Life in Print
by InACupFool
Summary: The guys express a newbie's views on some apparently very frequent themes in the fanfic world. T for some mild references. I own nothing and no one...just having some fun!


"Hey, Face?" Murdock called out from his upside down position on the chair. The team was relaxing in their latest scammed house, watching Face pack some necessities into a small backpack.

"Yeah?" Face paused, trying to decide between Advil or Motrin.

"Bring an extra shirt, cuz you know you'll prolly throw up at least once." Murdock teased.

"Nah man, that won't help." BA offered. "His shirt'll just get shredded when they beat him with a cane or somethin."

Face rolled his eyes, throwing his hands up in the air in frustration. "Hannibal, why does it always have to be me? Just in the past two months, I've been kidnapped three times, drugged half a dozen, shot, beaten, burned, tortured, my leg and arm have both been broken, I've been unconscious more times than I can count and I always end up crying on a floor somewhere, incoherent and whiny. Isn't this getting a little ridiculous?"

"Incoherent and whiny? How's that different from..."

"Murdock!" Face cut him off before he could finish.

Hannibal took the cigar out of his mouth and said, "Face, you know you're the one with all the potential angst and it just wouldn't be the same if we had to go in and rescue BA and cuddle _him_ back to good health."

"Yeah, man! I ain't got no angst!" BA punctuated the last word by smashing his fist into his palm.

"Well, after this I'm done. No more." Face declared with a pout.

"Face!" Hannibal leaned forward from his perch on the back of the couch. "You don't want people to forget about us, do you? It has to be you. People just love to torture, er...write about you!" Hannibal placed his unlit cigar back into his mouth and grinned around it.

Murdock righted himself and looked at his best friend, conspiratorially. "If you was smart, you'd start pumpin iron or get a cool scar or an eyepatch or somethin. Make people think twice about wanting to rescue you."

Hannibal glared. "Murdock, we want people to want to rescue him. What else are they going to write about?"

"I know," Murdock looked down, abashedly, "but there's always Knight Rider crossovers or alien abduction or..."

BA crossed the room in three strides, grabbed the pilot by the front of his beloved jacket and lifted him off the chair. "I'm gonna abduct YOU, Sucker! This all about Face. No one writin no stories about BA Baracus unless I'm poundin some bad guys. Or a Fool." He let Murdock fall back to his seat.

Face looked up from his packing again. "Actually, BA, there was that one story about you doing..." Face drifted off as he caught BA's menacing glare.

"What?" BA demanded.

"Hannibal." Face pleaded, looking from BA to his CO. They both missed the double entendre. Murdock snorted.

"Now BA, there's bound to be a few pieces out there about the rest of us." Hannibal soothed. "Wait, what was BA doing?" Face's answer caught up to the Colonel.

"Yeah, um. Let's see..." Face smirked. "Murdock is either so smart or so nuts he can't function unless he's saving me. BA is only good for driving, fighting or..." Face paused, unsure how to continue. He chose to skip ahead, ignoring Hannibal's questioning look. "Colonel, you are the stoic and heroic leader to a fault who apparently can't help either falling in love with me or wanting to be my father."

Tired of waiting for Face to finish his rant, BA wandered over to the computer.

"I'm just some insecure, yet fantastically brave soul, willing to suffer through gunshot wounds and broken bones without telling any of you how hurt I am for fear you'll discover how useless I am and kick me off the team forever, thus rendering me a mere shell of a man, alone and broken." Face finished with a dramatic flourish before whining, "Where do they get this stuff?"

"In love with you, huh?" Hannibal leered, looking Face up and down.

"Not funny, Hannibal" Face huffed.

"If anyone is gonna fall in love with FaceGuy..." Murdock started.

"Those suckers are gonna pay!" A loud crash brought their attention to BA as he grabbed the computer tower and threw it out the nearest window. "That take care of that, Faceman. No more stories!" BA grunted as he brushed past him, carrying the monitor and pulling his 9mm out of the back of his pants as he headed for the front door. The guys heard plastic and glass breaking as BA put his foot through what was left of their computer and then emptied the magazine into it for good measure.

Murdock ran to the window, laughing.

"Guess we better pack up and move out before someone calls the police about the gunfire." Hannibal sighed.

"That computer was expensive!" Face complained. "I guess he found that one story about...it's not like that will even stop people from..." Face paled and froze mid-sentence. "Uh, who's going to explain the internet to BA?"

All three men looked at each other for a split second before making a mad dash, tripping over each other to avoid being last out the back door.

The End


End file.
